dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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