just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
