I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You are the jesus of drinking
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
