If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
