Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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