Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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