the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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