Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
