Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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