Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
