SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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