I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
