Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
