Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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