Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
