He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize