so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Screwed.edu
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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