I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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