I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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