Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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