I'm eating all of the evidence.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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