not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize