i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
