I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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