If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
