Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
