and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you would pick up someone in the library
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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