he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
