when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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