i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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