perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
