Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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