Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
