That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
