i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
