How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize