I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
