don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
