today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
