I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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