he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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