I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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