U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
