There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
