dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
