Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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