he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
