Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
