We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
