new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
