Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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