just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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