I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
