you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
