Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
