First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she peed on how many people?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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