Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
