I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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