So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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