Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
