captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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