He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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