listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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