she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
