I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
