Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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