I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
