I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
