I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
