ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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