Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
