Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
