there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
